Hong Kong Man Humps Bench, Gets Stuck - From the "I Didn't Know Cutman Was In Hong Kong" Files...

After apparently learning that it's not proper to have sex with cows, it appears that Cutman has turned his attention toward inanimate pleasures:

Many an adolescent boy, hormones raging, has succumbed to the siren song of a hump-able inanimate object (the mattress cushion, a toilet paper roll or in one cinematic instance, a pie). But let's hope they learn a lesson from the 41-year-old Hong Kong man who almost lost his penis as a result of intercourse with a steel park bench.

Xing [EDITORS NOTE: "Xing" is how the Chinese pronounce "Richard Cutman"] (pictured in his compromising situation) was apparently feeling lonely in the park late at night when he decided to attempt to satisfy his sexual appetites by inserting his penis into one of numerous small holes in a steel park bench. Apparently ignorant of spatial realities, it wasn't until he was aroused that he realized he could no longer extract his manhood from the bench, panicked and called the police.

By the time doctors got to work on Xing's predicament (pun intended), it was so swollen that they had to cut the entire bench free and load it into the ambulance with Xing attached. At the hospital, it took four hours to separate Xing from his special bench, and doctors stated that in another hour they would have had to remove his penis.

Yes, this would be about the most embarrassing thing ever. I don't condone sexual intercourse outside of marriage, and unless Hong Kong has radically different laws than we have in the States I don't think this guy could've been married to this bench, so shame on him.

Also, looking at the size of the holes in this picture, I just can't imagine how this dude thought his stuff was gonna be a good fit here. I don't care how small a guy you are, them holes is tiny... Sorry, Dick Cutman, I don't mean to twist the knife.