Thursday, August 28, 2008

DNC Protestors Fear the Crap Canon

Have you heard the Brown Note?

If so, you or anyone in your vicinity would know… Trust me. For those of you unfamiliar with the famous Brown Note, I’ll be more than happy to explain.

The Brown Note has long been rumored as an ultra low frequency that causes anyone within range to unwillingly let loose a chocolate goose. Allez Cuisine!

So why is the Brown Note making news?

Rumor has it that the Crap Canon is in place and will be used as a deterrent for protesters at the DNC.

Mark Cohen, co-founder of Re-create 68, an alliance of local activists working for the protection of first amendment rights, said he believes this could be deployed at the convention in August to subdue crowds.
“We know this weapon and weapons like it have been used at other large protests before,” he said.

Cohen, who described Brown Note as a “sonic weapon used to disrupt people’s equilibrium,” cited eyewitness accounts of its use during free-trade agreement protests in Miami in 2003.

“I think these weapons were mostly intended for military use and so their use for dealing with innocent protesters seems highly inappropriate,” he said. “The idea that they might be field testing them on people who are doing nothing more than exercising their first amendment rights is disturbing.”

His group is preparing against a possible attack by Brown Note and other crowd-control measures by dispatching street medics at the convention trained in treating injuries in demonstration situations.

“It’s all we can do,” Cohen said.

I must say, I was very tempted to add another “do” at the end of Cohen’s last statement, but I’m way past the cheeky games of toilet humor.

When confronted by the rumors of the Brown Note, Admiral Motti had only this to offer:
Any attack made by the Rebels against the DNC would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they have obtained. This Crap Canon is now the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we use it.

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