What a headline:
Drunk, High, Naked Driver Crashes Into Parked Car While Masturbating...
Canadian James Boppre[Known in the States as "Richard Cutman" - ed.], former owner of a successful landscaping business, was on parole with house arrest on condition of sobriety after drunk driving and weapons convictions. On the evening of July 30th, Boppre fell off the wagon in a serious way. It started out with booze and ended with Boppre crashing into a parked car, speeding, drunk, high on crack, and masturbating naked with a similarly nude hooker, who was also masturbating.
Oh, nevermind. Can't be Cutman. It was a female hooker...
Sorry for the mix-up, Dick.
Hat Tip: Jalopnik.com